The One With...

Growing up is hard to do.

Growing up is hard to do, especially in this economic climate.

I hate to admit it but, monetarily on a monthly basis, I was better off on benefits. Now before we all run for a pitchfork and hunt down a local "dole dweller" hear me out. I am by no means saying benefits are too high, wages are far too low below the cost of living. I strongly believe instead of demonising the underclass, we should try to ease the burden for the working poor. We could cap rent prices so people could actually leave home and spread their wings, we could drive down petrol and travel prices so people could take jobs further away from home, giving people more access to potential work, we could stop letting utility companies screw us for commodities we must have.

I currently work 9 - 4 in a respectable organisation and they bend over backwards to accommodate me, it is stellar but with a 2 hour commute it's not easy.
I have no way of moving as property prices have skyrocketed, along with utilities, council tax and the general cost of running a household. Some days, when the wages come in and fly back out again I wonder why I bother.

It's revolting how the government believe that by poking the "strivers" with the jealousy stick and pointing out that a very small amount of people on benefits can live the high life, they can then drive down benefits and make us thankful for the meagre amount we're left with.

It's not a race to the bottom.

When you see another story splashed across the papers about a mother of so many that has everything in the world or the "scrounging" disabled people who get "free" cars, please redirect your anger to those who deserve it. The bankers, the politicians, the business bods at the top of the food chain, the buy to let crowd who line their pockets by providing over priced, shoddy accommodation and the rest of the "I'm alright Jack, sod you" crowd.

Once upon a time people grew up, got older and plodded along nicely... now we stagnate and suffocate. How long will you keep letting this happen?

Fight the good fight.

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/41273

A Confession.

I have a confession. I am 26 going on 17.

My second confession is I don't like change.
There has been a lot of change in my life recently. I have met a lot of new people, found a new job and for all intents and purposes started my relationship again. I was wrong about change, it's really nice.

I have stopped worrying about everything, I used to worry that my relationship wasn't moving fast enough, I wasn't getting the right job/career/employment I wanted, I hadn't moved into my own place yet, I hadn't married, I hadn't had a baby. Then I just stopped, I feel free.

I realised that I need to stop treating life as a race because what's the reward? The finish line is death. I'd rather be the loser who took the long route, looked at the trees, took in the scenery, sat down and had a little rest than hurtle through and wonder what I'd missed.

The moral here is to slow down, you don't get to rewind.

I am a Feminist...
See, it wasn't all that hard.

A few weeks back I read a blog from a student declaring that although she wasn't embarrassed to be a feminist, oh heavens no, she didn't want to be identified as one unless it was on her terms. I think that is all kinds of ridiculous. Personally I want to be a feminist no matter how anyone views me from that one little word.

The writer continues to say that she only dislikes the label because she doesn't want to be known as one of those "frumpy lesbians" or a "sexist with only womens interests at heart" This causes two problems; one, feminism is about equal rights, I don't want my rights to come at the expense of your rights. I just want to be seen as a person rather than a walking uterus. two, instead of backing down and accepting these stereotypes you do have the choice to argue against and defend your values. Surely it's better to inform and educate rather than denying who you are.

As women we have so much to be thankful for and we owe a huge debt to women who died to earn us rights that they will have never seen nor believed possible. I can now do things unchaperoned (unless I'm a woman at BUCU) I can vote, I have better maternity rights at work and basically I can just do what I like, which is awesome. Refusing to label yourself as a feminist for such ridiculous reasons throws that effort back in their faces.

We still have a very long way to go to establish equality for everyone but I find it insulting for any woman to deny being a feminist. To paraphrase Caitlin Moran, "Do you identify as a woman? Yes? Then you're a feminist."

starting over

Getting rejected for a job sucks. It's as simple as that.

However it's the feedback that really bothers me. I rarely get more information than "the other candidate had more experience than you" This is a fair enough idea except it opens up a failing in the current job market. I can't afford to work for free (again!) nor do I have the time to do a course alongside my current job. If skilled workers are being pushed out of their jobs and graduates are competing against amazingly able people who have been doing the job for years how is anyone ever going to be able to improve?

Where I understand the logic of employing someone who needs little to no training to get stuck in with a role, a whole generation of young people are stuck in part time, contract and temporary jobs which again negatively impacts on their future career options as they have never had stable employment. It's a vicious circle.

When it comes to rejection, it's always going to be a blow, but I'd rather have some serious feedback relating to my CV, my personality and how I present myself. I can take criticism and rolling with the punches is always a good life lesson.

If you ever have the privilege of employing someone, please bear in mind that tired cliche rejections help no one, spare five minutes and give them a real reason. They'll thank you for it, I promise!

The Job from Hell.

Everyone has had one. That one job that makes you question whether the whole world is actually horrible, evil and everything before that had been a lie.

I should've written this before, when I referenced it, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My Job From Hell was recent, very recent. I was sent by the job centre to a small company in the heart of my hometown. It was temporary maternity cover, a breeze. The firm was family owned and pretty much family staffed, I was the only one not related to someone in some way, I think that was the first clue this wasn't going to be good. It wasn't a bad job work wise, I got my head down and got on with it, bit of basic accounts, filing, stuff I could do.

What I didn't bank on when starting was my colleague. She was a nasty piece of work, bitter and spiteful, ready to retire but not financially able. I initially tried to get on with her because that's the kind of person I am, I'd talk to a tree if there was no one about. However she didn't like me. On sight she wanted to get rid of me, I was too young apparently, naive and optimistic. She began a war to chip away at my self esteem and everything about me.
It started with little digs about my education and my degree "you'll never get anywhere with a journalism degree, university is worthless." I just sighed and carried on with my work thinking that she was just a rude woman with no "appropriate conversation" filter. After that it was just constant digs about how much better her children had gotten on than I had without university, so on and so forth. Along with those digs was the fun little "tips" about my weight, shaming me with "should you *really* be eating that?" pretty much every time I put a fork in my mouth.

Sadly whilst I was there my Nan died, she'd been suffering with Alzheimer's for a long while along with other illnesses so i was a long time coming but heartbreaking none the less. The colleague knew this as her mother and my grandmother had once lived in the same care home. Now this was the unveiling of her true colours, she was both malicious and crafty. She started saying awful things about poorly people but only when we were alone. She claimed that Alzheimer's was a disease "sluts" got and that it wasn't worth mourning someone with Alzheimer's as "they'd died long ago, the real part of them." Just typing it now sends a hot pain through my heart.

She was very money oriented, a trait that I just don't get. I was advised to "bag a rich man, quickly" and that she was very disappointed her daughter was with a broke and failed musician. The true extent was made known after I came back from the funeral, I was basically a tearful mess for a while, Nan and I were pretty close, she thought it was appropriate to say she wished her mother and mother in law would hurry up and die before they spent up all her inheritance. I have never wished harder for two people to find the joys of booze, gambling and male strippers quite as much as I did that day.

The cruelty continued but I figured "hey, I need a job so suck it up" but the final straw was yet to come. It's funny now I look back on it the last straw was trivial. She had been teaching me processes incorrectly from the start and had banned me from using "her" programme as it was "too difficult for me to understand" but she was leaving all the hard work to me and reveling in the fact I occasionally struggled. She'd sit at her desk chatting, shopping on eBay and once in a while doing a bit of stapling and all the while she'd be telling staff and customers(!) that I was crap at my job, useless and a "muppet" and implying I shouldn't be paid as I was doing nothing.

I started to see red and complained to the management, I gave them a detailed description of her antics and all I got in return was "well we could speak to her and give her a warning but then she'd get worse and you don't want that" On that bombshell I took an evening to reflect and the next day we came to the conclusion that it wasn't working out, loses should be cut and I should just walk away. I haven't felt relief like it. I told the manager in my exit interview that she wouldn't stop her behaviour and she'd bully my replacement right out of the door. He just replied, with a resigned sigh, "yes, we know"

That, my friends, was my job from hell. On paper it seems shorter and less awful but in person it felt like time had stopped and I truly dreaded ever going to work. I went back to the job centre to warn them what would happen to the next poor soul to walk through those doors and the advisor assured me that they'd never send anyone back. So far they've been true to their word. I found a mutual friend who knew the lady who's maternity I was covering, the lady is scared to go back due to the colleague. How sad is that?

Now, this isn't a call to a pity party. It wasn't the ideal employment but in one way I'm glad it happened. I don't take crap anymore, I feel stronger and more confident in myself and I'm even more determined to succeed. She may have thought she'd won forcing me out but she's the one stuck in a job she hates full of nothing but bitter words and a hateful soul. If that's winning then I'm happy to have lost.

p.s If you take anything from this blog, don't be bullied at work. An average person spends a third of their life at work and that is a heck of a lot of time to be sad, angry, upset and generally not thinking life is awesome. Seriously.

Weighty issues.

"I like having my hair and face done, but I'm not going to lose weight because someone tells me to." - Adele

I never used to worry about my weight, it just wasn't on my agenda. It was only when a man close to me remarked about how I should probably lose a dress size before buying clothes that it hit me. I was smaller then so I stuck to my guns. I didn't lose the weight.

Now, that was a good few years in a forgotten era but it still stings. I have gained weight since that time and even though it has never really impacted on the way I live my life, how people view me or my ability to attract someone sexy, it still lingers in my head.

What I find remarkable is how common it is for people to discuss others weight. Newspapers, magazines and websites are crammed full of women, and sometimes men, taking swipes at how "chunky". "flabby" or just plain "fat" a celebrity or another woman, is. This culture of the bitchiness has seeped into real life where you can be subjected to a fitness check up whilst just going about your daily business. Whilst working in an office, where a good 2/3 of the staff was on a diet, I dared to eat chocolate. I was given lectures about calories, my overall fitness and told "well you could do with being healthier and losing some weight" It's important to remember that just because a person has a few more inches around their waist than the "ideal" doesn't mean that they are unfit. The main person who gave me this lecture was a good shot over 15st herself. I definitely recommend that when judging you should at least have a higher ground to peer down from.

During my time working in this office I was also informed that fat women should be grateful when men pay them attention as "they don't have room to be choosy" and should settle for the first man who can keep calm and carry on despite your fatty fat. This is unacceptable. Ladies, never settle. Any man who lords around thinking you're not the most awesome sexbombiest ladyface alive should be kicked to the curb post-haste. Women who hold the view fat ladies should settle should be verbally bitch-slapped.

Since that job, weight has become a bigger issue for me. I hate to admit it but now I weigh myself more than ever and food has gone from being a joy to a chore. I miss the days when I didn't care.

This http://bit.ly/R8IODw, a comment from www.everydaysexism.com is the main reason all of the above needs to be stopped. This is the lessons we are teaching our children, this is the legacy we are leaving, the idea that your looks determine your worth and value and that, my friends, is wrong.

employment

So I got a job.

I thought I'd be thrilled. I was initially but I've been there for almost 4 weeks and I've just had a technical promotion. When people quit you tend to be bumped up the ranks quickly without a massive amount of training. Sadly with higher responsibility comes more rubbish.

I'm trying to be very careful about what I write. I like my job. I really do. I'm good at it, I adore my colleagues and I don't stop from 9 - 5. These things I like. Now on to the things I don't.

I work for an organisation that provides a service to people for free that the rest of the population pay for. What saddens me most about this role is that so many people are so very ungrateful. I can only assume that the more things you are give for free the more they expect. My role is the front line of customer service... by this I mean the complaints service. Touch wood I've been relatively lucky with people I've spoken to, they've all been so lovely. I even had someone tell me to have a lovely day. However colleagues have been told they're shameful, disgusting, awful human beings... for providing a free service. Now, we retaliate occasionally, leaving appointments till last minute and leaving people on hold a touch longer than necessarily. Small penalties for not having the courtesy to just be nice, to not lie, to not swear.

The point I'm trying to make is, "be lovely to everyone" especially if they're doing you a service. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. And your appointment will be earlier if you aren't a dick.

Simple.